Thanks for That
You believe I have an attitude problem; You believe I am resentful; You believe I am not a good teammate; You believe I am selfish; You believe I am arrogant; I believe fuck you.
Don’t EVER believe in anything but me. Believe in me. I am the best thing that has ever happened for you and I can’t even tell you why. You, honest-to-god, have no idea how I live, what I live for, and why I have to live. Whatever, you have it all figured out. Who am I to question you?
You are being selfish because you think I belong to you for some reason. The truth is, I belong to everyone, including myself— especially myself. I get it— I have been spending a lot of time in my room. I get it— I have been spending a lot of time in my room alone. I get it— I have been spending a lot of time in my car alone. I get it— I don’t talk to some of you guys for literal days. Get over it. I’ll reach out to you eventually. I just need to be ready. Every time I force myself interact you guys get mad when I speak. I get it— I say mean things. I do it because I am not ready and I am trying to make it clear that I am not ready, but you guys just assume “ready” me is the only version of me, which further contributes to the alleged attitude problem. I’ll get ready for me, not you.
Why am I selfish when I want to spend time alone when nobody else is selfish for the same reason? Oh wait, I know why. I can be nice to you guys for several months. I can be oppressively helpful and I can be super nice. Then, all of a sudden, you see a shift. I begin to transition to a different form away from the funny extrovert you all love. I suddenly become a crab hiding in its shell. I suddenly leave life, friends, and even food. Theres a lot I am surprised you don’t see. How are you all so oblivious?
Yes, it hurts. I want you to know I don’t like it either. It is not I wake up and say, “I am going to have an awful day”. I wake up paralyzed. I wake up to nothing. I wake up and the first thing I think is “I wish I had something to distract me”. I wake up saying “I don’t have the energy to be with myself”.
You’re a brat. Get over me by getting over yourself. Signed— Get bent.