How

It’s 2:00 in the morning on a Friday night. You are sitting in your suite, laying on the couch while your friend plays on her phone on the arm chair. You pose the following: “You know what time it is?”

Your friend looks at you and then back to her phone and then back to you. She says “2” like you should have already known. Seeing as you have a watch on, and your own phone, it seems reasonable she would act this way.

You say “no it’s not” and she says “yes it is” and you say “no it’s not cuz it’s Taco Bell time.”

——-that’s how you convince someone go to Taco Bell at an unreasonable hour——

On your return back from Taco Bell, you cruise at an easy 55 mph(after all, your sight doesn’t let you see cops in broad daylight, let alone at night). You turn on your high-beams just enough to see where the curves around the trees lead your car. You take note of the surroundings.

You ask your friend to turn on a song that you love, Shots and Squats. Instead, she will begin to scroll through your phone looking at all of your songs, and she so chooses Photograph, and she looks at all of your photos.

‘Don’t look at the photos’ you scream in your mind.

Regardless, you keep your eyes on the road. You spot a deer having just crossed the road and is sprinting up from a ditch. You begin to slow down, but not too much so as to — shit, here comes another one — you press harder on the sacred brake pedal as you avoid straying from your lane. You watch the deer fly off the passenger side of the bumper. You come to a halt before you pull over to side of the road and turn on your hazards.

——that’s how you hit a deer safely——

Your passenger looks up from your phone and asks “what was that?”

You respond calmly “That would be a deer. Wait here, I’ll check everything.” You know your passenger would cry if she saw a dead animal.

You pull the lever of your car hood and step outside of your vehicle. You go around to the front and take note of the damage: bumper is ripped up, wheel hub lining is shredded, fender bent into the wheel hub(thank god it isn’t going to grind with the wheel), headlight is ripped out, fog light is gone, hood is bent inwards on the passenger side, and the blinker light was destroyed. You lift the hood and take a look on the inside. Everything looks completely fine. Nothing for you to worry about tonight.

You walk back to the point of impact and pick up the shattered lenses and pieces of fender left on the road. You hear heaving as the deer tries to trot away. You say “I’m sorry” to the deer. You repeat the statement 6 times until you finally hear it stop heaving. You walk back to your car and put the pieces into the back seat.

You get back to the driver’s seat and your passenger asks “What were you looking at?”

You respond slowly “I could hear the deer running off into the woods. He seems to be alright.” You clearly lied, but it doesn’t seem like she knows.

She asks “Are you doing fine?”

“I’m perfect, but the car isn’t. It’ll still drive, though. It just looks ugly.” You turn off your hazards and turn on Shots and Squats. You let the blinker carry you into the road and leave the scene knowing you will call the insurance in the morning. Right now, you just need to get back to campus.

——that’s how you get a good story——